Devil Merman

This strange, devilish creature was given to me as a present, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it's meant to be. He has horns and ears, a fishtail, and a face on his torso. The three stick legs I take to be more of a stand, than a vital part of his anatomy. His arms move, and he's made of wood, with horn or bone additions.

I just googled 'devil merman' to see if that was a thing, and pleasingly, got a link to a video of Ethel Merman singing 'There's No Business Like Show Business'. However, a few devil mermen are out there, in Mexican folk art and so on, so maybe he's Mexican.

I suppose it says a lot about me that a friend would give me this as a present, and know that I would really like it...

Why Children have Nightmares

"Mummy, I'm being crushed by a multi-coloured boa constrictor!"

[I got it in a pound shop. I know no more.]

Kala Kola - It's the Real Thing

I bought this wonder product from an Indian supermarket, because I couldn't resist the packaging. I didn't actually use it, but I wonder now whether I missed out. Just look at all the things it can do! I'm not entirely sure what Kala Kola is, but it appears that it can cure just about any hair or scalp problem you might have, and make you look glamorous and smell enchanting, to boot! And if that wasn't enough, it will provide 'sound and sweet sleep' as well.

Now, before you start to scoff at these slightly ridiculous claims, you might want to remind yourself about some of the cosmetic advertising we take for granted in the UK.  Just flicking through a current magazine I can see mascara that claims to 'millionize lashes', a 'miracle concentrate' for hair which is a 'restorative elixir', hair colour that 'changes everything', a body lotion with 'non-stop hydra IQ technology' (do we need that, whatever it is?). And then there's the universal get-out phrase 'up to'. 'Lasts up to 48 hours' could mean it generally lasts for 10 seconds. Or how about '7 times more effective'? More effective than what? Hope in a bottle is the same everywhere. 

So, maybe you should try Kala Kola - because you're worth it!

Fruit Babies

These little dolls were sold as 'Fruity Cuties' (of course). Why have they got fruit-shaped heads? I suspect some horrible experiment, rather like The Island of Dr Moreau, only in this case it was The Island of the Man From Del Monte.

Inexplicable Hamster Postcard

A surreal allegory of a postcard. The half-demolished house (or is it half-built?), the pile of bricks, the giant hamster looking in at the window and the play people, working endlessly, endlessly in a nightmare of their own imagining...

The Ten Commandments

I do love a bit of religious kitsch. Here are the ten commandments on a cheap Hong Kong bracelet.

It's okay, because there isn't a commandment which says 'Thou shalt not wear tacky jewellery'.

Candelabra Cruet

What could be classier? It could grace the table of any stately home...